Angels In My Rearview

I am a 30 year old MOM of 2, WIFE of 1. My chilluns are almost 3 and 1. I live in Texas as of the beginning of 2006. I have a wonderful and nearly-perfect husband who such praise is lost on because he is much less swayed by any acclaim, or already knows it. I am mostly fulfilled by my job, sometimes overwhelmed, and frequently searching for deeper meaning under piles of laundry. I believe in documenting the things that leave impressions and that make you laugh. Thus, I blog.

Monday, April 24, 2006

What do you think?

Sometimes when I sit down to write, I don't have anything in mind. Other times, when I'm just going about my business, driving, shopping, bathing the kids, I have a million blogging thoughts going through my mind and I can't seem to get to the computer fast enough. I'm gonna let you guess what type of blog this is...

So anyway, not much going on here.

Just kidding.

We had a great weekend of rest and relaxation. I got a total of 5 hours worth of naps in over the weekend. It was a good thing too because I caught a little bit of a bug and I think it really helped to sleep it off. And because I love to sleep.

We went to some people's home on Sunday night for dessert with a few other families. Since we are the newbies around here, the hosts asked us to share the story of how we met. Jay deferred to me (because I can embellish seamlessly and because last time he told it was the first time he told it and I told him never to tell it again) so I told the story. They were curious about Jay's version of the story. Let me just outline my story, and then Jay's. You'll see why he's banned to silence on the subject.

Jay and I met in the summer of 2000, when I had graduated from college and detoured through Independence on my way to grad school in St. Louis. Jay was home for the summer.
We became fast friends and spent a lot of time together that summer. We were only friends. He went back to school, I moved to St. Louis. We kept in touch with emails and IM messaging (on late Friday nights when Jay was secretly pining for me and I was pining for a law school snob with whom I shouldn't have even bothered).

Jay moved back to Independence to help his dad with a business and I would see him when I'd come back home for visits. He came to St. Louis to go to Les Miserables with me (to prove I wasn't in love with him yet, he wasn't my first choice and when my first choice fell through, my friend suggested, "what about that Jay guy---isn't he around?" and I thought, "Hey, that's a great idea, why didn't I think of that, thanks Jen!"). That was the day I fell for him. Okay, this is turning out not to be an outline. But I'm just better at telling my version, I'll outline Jay's version. So, that day I told Jay I liked the name Jackson for one of my sons. He responded with, "Hmm, Jackson Bryner, sounds good." There are several very funny things about that. First of all, if a girl was ever even SUSPECTED of doing such a thing in the presence of a guy, she'd be blackballed. Fo' sho! Second of all, Jay wasn't making a statement, he wasn't "flirting", sending a message, testing the waters---nothing. He was simply talking aloud. One of the many things I love about my husband today. For every calculating, manipulative way I can be, he hasn't an ounce in him. I laughed right out loud at his innocent boldness. We had an amazing day together. Oh yeah, since I'm not sticking to my outline idea---I'll go to borderline too much information---I got REALLY REALLY sick two days prior to his arrival for Les Mis. I don't get sick like that. Ever. I couldn't move, I went to a dr, which I also never do, he gave me good drugs, and I didn't move from my bed for 2 days. I wasn't about to pass up Les Mis so I pulled it together for Jay's arrival. Aside from weakness, I was pretty much okay. What I wasn't okay for was my first meal in 3 days being Mexican. Yes, I spent the better half of our dinner date in El Maguey's cuarto de bano, much to my chagrin.

Something clicked that day, and it was the day I fell for Jay. I continued to fall, and I'm still falling. It seems so cliche to say you love someone more each day. But when you do, you do. He's so much more amazing than I ever even realized when I said I'd marry him. Oh yeah, and he wrote a nice blog about me the other day too. Can't say his motives were all that pure, but still, it made my day! The next year of dating was filled with lots of good times and some heart in my throat times, and frustration, and absolute joy to know I had finally met someone I wanted to be with forever. I just had to convince Jay that I was really as cool as I seemed and not secretly a nutcase, waiting for a wedding to let it all loose. My friend Anita gave me some amazing advice one day when I was particularly frustrated with Jay's commitment fears. She said something along the lines of: If you know he is who you'll marry and you know it will eventually happen, then you can spend the time patiently and graciously letting him figure things out or you can whine and throw fits and be bratty, and the end result will be the same---what do you want him to look back and remember? When Jay told me he wanted to marry me, he even said, "You have been nothing but patient and good to me from the beginning." Isn't that sweet? And isn't that great advice? And isn't it just like a girl to remember all that?

Well, after 1 year and 3 break-ups we got engaged. Funny story about the last break-up. I was 26. Jay and I had been dating for about 9 months (less a week or two for break-ups). I didn't want to waste anymore time on a ship that wasn't gonna sail, so I had to end it. It devastated me. But, I knew I had to---so the day after Christmas, I did it. I had to tell him not to call or write or email, or visit because I had to get him out of my system before we could attempt to be friends again, if we ever did. He was semi-respectful of that request. The reason I tell you this is because, my mom expressed her awe at me being so strong, knowing how much I loved Jay and how I had never felt that for anyone I had dated. One day she was visiting me in St. Louis and said, "Oh, oh, I have a quote that I heard that made me think of you, I even wrote it down for you." She rummaged through her purse but never found it so she tried to recreate it. She said, "It went something like this, 'when you have to wait the longest, and no options for marriage anymore, God will take care of you'." Interesting. The best part was when she found the post-it and it ACTUALLY said, "God saves the best for those who wait for him to make the choice." I put that post-it on my mirror to see everyday because everyday I was reminded of my mom's secret belief of my situation and it made me laugh very hard, and everyday it reminded me that I was in God's hands and if Jay wasn't it, then He had someone else in mind.

Well, Jay was it. And I couldn't be happier. He figured it out in February. Yay.
He was worth every second of agonizing indecision I had to wait out with him. He is a more incredible father, husband, provider, support, and friend than I ever dreamed of having. And I had big dreams!
Nice story, right?

Here's Jay's version:
So, I moved back to Independence to help my dad with a business. Independence basically sucks the very marrow from my bones and I hated it. I had just come from BYU, the land of milk and honey. Angela was the coolest person I knew within 500 miles and I finally just decided she'd be a good person to marry and I needed to get married. Good thing she was around or I'd have had to wait until some high school sophomores came of age.
Okay, I made the last sentence up.
But that's it. Isn't that atrocious? See why he's banned from recounting it?
He needs to throw in a few more "stunning redheads" and "never really breathed before..." and ix-nay on the 'there was no one else around-ay.' Sheesh.

Okay, if you hadn't figured it out yet, this was a "nothing to write" blog. Hope you made it through to the answer.

Here's a conversation I belive I just shouldn't have to have:

"We need to wipe our bums, every time we go poo-poo."
"But why?"

By the way, why do we feel compelled as parents or caregivers to include ourselves in some very basic behavior reminders when WE don't have a problem with it in the first place.
For example, I don't hit my friends, pick my nose, play with my food, pee on the floor, throw gigantic exercise balls at my sister's tiny head, or dump out brand new bottles of shampoo to see all the bubbles it will make---and yet I've said ALL of the above as though I have.

"Benjamin! We don't throw gigantic balls at Avery and dislocate her shoulder joint."
One day he'll say, "Clearly YOU don't mom, but I do."
I take that back---it's Avery who will say that. It's more her style.


  • At 3:20 PM, Blogger ShelahBooksIt said…

    Ok, I saw grad school and St. Louis and I haven't read any further yet. We were at Wash U from 98-02. Any chance we know each other?

  • At 8:26 AM, Anonymous Alicia said…

    I prefer your detailed version of the story. I can see why Jay is not allowed to tell the story. My husband and I also tell different versions. He likes to add in there how many other girls he was dating. We both try to stretch the truth on the fact that we only dated for a month before getting engaged.

    You and Jay are an amazing match and you have produced hillarious children! Jay should add how fortunate he is that you are a patient woman.

  • At 2:00 PM, Blogger Ima Poemer said…

    Wowee. For not having alot to say in this blog, you sure filled the pages! I'm impressed. Usually when I don't have anything to write about, it comes out like this:

    Today I did nothing. It wasn't very fun. So there.


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