Nature VS Nurture

This is a topic that periodically crosses my mind. While earning my undergraduate in Psychology, it was a topic that was frequently discussed in my classes. As far as behavior and other debatable psychological issues go, I'm a fence sitter on whether something is born of genetics or nurtured through environment.

Now that I am married, and we've produced little offspring, the topic fascinates me even more. I find myself frequently wondering if one of my children's behavior is learned or just they way they're born.

When Jay and I were first married we lived in a little studio apartment in St. Louis. It was a charming, but tiny apartment. But that doesn't matter with newlyweds, right? One thing about living in such a small space is that you notice everything the other is doing or has done. One day early into our wedded bliss, I opened the refrigerator and found a bowl of white-grey sludge with a spoon stuck in it. I thought to myself, "hmm, I never knew Jay was the scientific experimenting kind of guy. Clearly he is performing some type of experiment here; there is no other explanation for this sludge in our fridge." Well, along comes Jay who sees the refrigerator open and sees the bowl, and before I can ask what type of experiment he's performing, he picks it up and finishes his cereal from 2 or 3 hours before. He eats in stages. I didn't yet know this about my dear husband. And it doesn't matter WHAT it is, he'll stop eating something when he gets full (novel concept) and will return to it when he's not so full. Ice cream (left out, mind you), hot soup, cold cereal, lumpy oatmeal....you name it, he's not above leaving and returning.

Well Ben does the same. Namely with cold cereal. He can nurse a bowl of mini shredded wheat for the entire morning. It's more than I can handle visibly. But I fall into the curse of motherhood where you get so desperate for your child to eat something besides fruit snacks and goldfish crackers, you let whatever "healthy" eating occurs, happen. No mind to its temperature, consistency, or vomit-like appearance.

Lately Avery has started showing her appreciation for yummy tasting food with a well-placed and emphatic "mmmmmm!" It's absolutely darling. And it's absolutely her mother. I am a verbal appreciator of food. I can be heard to say to Jay, "If this isn't the best thing you have ever tasted, don't eat it because I believe it is the best thing I've ever tasted and I don't want it wasted on a non-believer". Okay, I say something a little different, but my mother and mother-in-law read this blog. It's not to say Jay doesn't appreciate some foods, but I'm sure that Avery's expression at such an early age is "nature", and it is from me.

Lest you think all we do around here in our house is eat, here are some other behaviors. Learned, or just born that way? See if you can guess from which parent they get some of these traits, if either. Some of these traits are throwbacks from other relatives.

-------Both children take off running when they hear an authoritative "Okay kids, lets..."
-------Ben sings loudly and off key along with the hymns at church
-------Avery sings loudly on key
-------Both of their lyrics are unintelligible
-------Ben gleefully exclaims "I'm so happy that _____" about things like, new underwear, me returning from the store, bottles of Propel in the refrigerator. Jay's mom has a tape of him when he's only 5 talking about the new roller skates he got for his birthday. He exuberantly lists all the things he can do on them, like "jump, turn, stop..." and then he exclaims with the same kind of glee, "I can't believe all the things I can do!!" It's absolutely priceless. We say that phrase a lot around here.
-------When Ben is hungry or tired he turns into a completely different child/person.
-------When Avery's tired she gets snuggly, adorable, and just wants to be held
-------Ben loves to converse with ANYONE and says things like, "So, how do you like that red Gatorade?"
-------As I was typing this, Ben said, "I'm so happy you said, 'YES BEN YOU TAN HAVE A SNACK!!!' “Ben ALWAYS quotes me as yelling, no matter what I say or how I say it.
-------Ben can happily subsist completely on snack foods
-------Avery can eat her brother under the table
-------If you tell Avery to stop doing something or "no-no" she yells or cries and has to have the last word. It's none of your business from whom she acquired this trait
-------If you tell Ben no, mostly he says, "Otay" or "why" and moves on
-------Ben likes to clean
-------Ben has the memory of an elephant
-------Avery will always go to the highest bidder when she wants to be held. Today it was a Hungarian Grandmother at the park who had two nerf balls in her hands.

Well, I guess I could really keep going but somebody is turning into a different child and I WILL have the last word in this battle...