Angels In My Rearview

I am a 30 year old MOM of 2, WIFE of 1. My chilluns are almost 3 and 1. I live in Texas as of the beginning of 2006. I have a wonderful and nearly-perfect husband who such praise is lost on because he is much less swayed by any acclaim, or already knows it. I am mostly fulfilled by my job, sometimes overwhelmed, and frequently searching for deeper meaning under piles of laundry. I believe in documenting the things that leave impressions and that make you laugh. Thus, I blog.

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Of COOOOUUUUUUUURSE

Monday morning we went to the park. After about an hour, Ben had to go to the bathroom. I stood and looked as far as the eye could see and there was no visible bathroom. There was a pool that was closed that probably had a bathroom. So I walked over to a little wooded area with Ben's innocent little hand in mine. My mind is racing, debating if I should do this, because I know once this experience is in his head, there's no turning back. In the few moments a child gives you between when they say they have to go, and when they actually go, I just didn't have enough time to think of anything else. I helped him pee in the woods. He giggled uncontrollably the entire time. This was the same park visit that Avery chased down a Hungarian grandmother with a bright red dye job and insisted that she hold her. So while Avery was being tended to by her self-designated nagymama, I took the time to talk to Ben seriously about outside peeing etiquette. He was prying his hands out of mine and craning his neck to look over my shoulder at the new kids who just showed up at the sandbox with sand toys, and was saying, "otay, otay, OTAY!" while I carried on with my superb parenting/teaching methods. I finally let him go and put the whole thing out of my head. It was just a small incident, hes not going to dwell on it, and he certainly isn't going to listen to my lecture on where it's okay to pee standing in a shroud of trees, where he just did.

Today is Wednesday. I have caught him 3 times outside with his pants down. I had to interrupt the writing of this blog to go retrieve him from the neighbor's yard, watering their lawn. I'm not entirely sure how to handle this, but I'm sure we'll figure something out. In the meantime, I hope none of my friendly neighbors get too offended while Ben learns protocol and I learn parenting strategies. After 3 different times of sitting on his bed and thinking about where he should go when he needs to go potty, I heard him outside talking to an older lady walking by to go get her mail. "Howya doin? I'm dood. See ya later!" I think, how cute is that little conversationalist? What I SHOULD have been thinking was, how shameless is that little exhibitionist! He had the entire conversation while communing with Mother Nature in his most natural attire.

ADDENDUM: Ben has left me a nice little suprise on our back porch. This might be too much information but the ensuing conversation MUST be reported.
Exasperated Me:Ben, what am I going to do? Do you need a spank on the bum to stop going to the bathroom outside, it's not okay!
Reasoning, but bare-bottomed Ben: But mom, if you fank me now it will be loud (opposite of soft), so only do it if it's soft
Me: I don't want to spank you at all Ben, but I don't know what to do about this!
Ben: Well, you tan dit a paper towel and pick it up with your hands and put it in the toilet and I can flush it.
Sarcastic Me: Oh, right, that will fix everything won't it?
Delightful Ben: Yep! It sho' does!


Help!?

10 Comments:

  • At 1:08 PM, Anonymous EK said…

    No advice. Just this: ahahahahahahahahahaha!

    I'm so glad I & Q are out of that stage. If it makes you feel better, there was a window of time when they were both in that stage at once, so... it could be worse.

     
  • At 1:35 PM, Blogger Code Yellow Mom said…

    So Cal had to go the other while back when we were at the park with friends we haven't seen for over a year and David "had" to teach him to pee on a tree. He came back and said, "Dad just showed me something REALLY COOL!!!" And three more times he "had" to go potty while we were there, but got real independent about it and liked to choose trees within the picnic perimeter and drop his pants to the ground. He missed the "out of sight," "only if absolutely necessary," and "as inconspicuously as possible" parts of the lecture. Although I'm not sure if Dad gave him those key guidelines, because there is this undying Peter-Pan-like thrill about the whole world being one's urinal. Can you tell I have the same frustration? Poop absolutely warrants a spank in my book, but I don't know how or where to draw the line elsewhere. Other than with the most frustrating phrase of parenthood, "It's just a phase."

     
  • At 2:18 PM, Blogger Mel said…

    I wish I could help. A couple of weeks ago I caught my 8-year old peeing in the sandbox (which was full of winter rainwater). ARG!

     
  • At 2:43 PM, Blogger ShelahBooksIt said…

    hilarious and so disgusting! My 6yo will still pee outside if he doesn't think I'm watching. I don't think they ever, ever grow out of it.

     
  • At 8:20 PM, Anonymous S said…

    NO way this did not happen, you made that whole poop part up. Where is Jay? Please tape that father/son conversation for me:) Pretty please. Bounty the quicker picker upper has a whole new meaning. Is this child really on his way to my house?????

     
  • At 9:07 PM, Blogger Big Jay said…

    This one might be genetic.

     
  • At 9:46 PM, Blogger Angela said…

    Jay, I wish you could have been here to see my fall out of the computer chair laughing.
    Sara, what in our past history of the last 30 years could possible EVER lead you to believe that I would actually make this kind of crap up. Pun only semi-intended. I mean, for crying out loud, don't you think I'd rather blog about a kid that aims to please?!?!

     
  • At 6:24 AM, Anonymous Heather from One Woman's World said…

    I am SO dying over here in Utah. and I echo "ek" mwahahahahahaha!

     
  • At 7:37 AM, Anonymous ek said…

    Oh yes, echoing Shela - I really don't think they outgrow the peeing part of things. After all, where did mine learn to pee circles into the snow? Their [fully grown] father, of course. Cats do it. Boys do it. MEN do it. Sorry Ang.

     
  • At 1:24 PM, Anonymous GS said…

    We caught Ben's cousin peeing into the rain water collected on the top of an upturned wooden planter this winter...after his 2-year younger neigbor girl said "Andrew peed in the water we were playing in!" What is UP with this generation? Are these just the little angels that have been peeing out of heaven all these years?

     

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